I Once Loved A Lass
by xxchompchompchompxx
Summary: When I saw my love go through the church door, I followed along with my heart full of woe  For now she is wed to another... Matthew's feelings at having to watch Mary walk down the aisle to marry a man who isn't him. Post S2 MxM


_I once loved a lass and I loved her so well  
>I hated all others that spoke of her ill<br>But now, she's rewarded me well for my love  
>For she's gone to be wed to another<em>

Matthew so much wanted to tell Mary that he was in love with her, but the last conversation they had had that involved their relationship had ended badly with him branding them as 'cursed' when really it was just himself. It hadn't been Mary's fault at all and he had initiated the kiss, knowing she was in love with him, as he was with her… and his feelings had not changed and she was set to marry Carlisle within the next week

_When I saw my love go through the church doors_  
><em>With bride and bridesmaiden, they made a fine show<em>  
><em>I followed along with my heart full of woe<em>  
><em>For now she is wed to another<em>

Matthew sat there in the church, just waiting for Mary to make an entrance and as soon as the doors flew open, a plummeting feeling erupted in Matthew's stomach and he turned around to see Mary enter in a beautiful white dress that was simple and pretty and was typically Mary. A single lily was entwined within her hair and she held a bouquet of roses and lilies as she walked down the aisle on Robert's arm. Matthew gazed at her, taking in her beauty and his heart ached with the pain of knowing that she would never be his. The bridesmaids were Edith and Sybil, who were both wearing pale blue dresses; Sybil was before Mary and Robert, sprinkling petals along the aisle and Edith was behind holding flowers. Matthew felt his mother squeeze his hand gently when Mary and Carlisle exchanged their vows and he squeezed back in acknowledgment. He had to look away when they kissed and he refrained himself from showing his true emotions.

_When I saw my love sit down to dine  
>I sat down beside her and I poured out the wine<br>I drank to the lass that should have been mine  
>But now she is wed to another<br>_

Matthew put on a brave face as everyone sat down at the reception that was being held at Downton. All the finest foods were there and the table was bustling and Matthew wanted to just leave and cry out all his sorrow but instead he was placed next to Mary and was chatting to family members and friends. Matthew smiled at Mary softly and poured her a glass of wine and proposed a toast to her, wishing her a good, long and happy marriage.

_The men of yon forest, they ask it of me  
>'How many strawberries grow in the salt sea?'<br>And I ask of them back with a tear in my eye  
>'How many ships sail in the forest?'<br>_

Matthew watched Mary and Carlisle get in the car and head off towards their honeymoon, waving along with everyone else. Robert knew how Matthew felt for his daughter so he inquired as to how he was feeling. To this Matthew could only give him the vague answer of what did he think he felt. Robert was asking him a question that he had no simple answer to. Love was just too complex.

_So, dig me a grave and dig it so deep  
>And cover it over with flowers so sweet<br>And I'll turn in for to take a long sleep  
>And maybe in time I'll forget her<br>_

All Matthew wanted to do now that Mary had married Carlisle was get rid of the pain that consumed him. He wanted to curl up in a corner and just hide from the world but he knew he couldn't. Mary's face haunted him whilst he was awake and whilst he was asleep. There was no escape from her porcelain skin and thick dark locks of hair. Her facial features so perfect to him, her quick tongue and witty mind so appealing, he knew then he would never forget her, no matter how hard he tried. If only he hadn't withdrawn his proposal all those years ago, he would be the one in Carlisle's shoes and who knows he and Mary could have had children and another heir to Downton

. _  
>So, they dug him a grave and they dug it so deep<br>And covered it over with flowers so sweet  
>And he's turned in for to take a long sleep<br>And maybe by now he's forgotten_

Matthew put the pen down, finishing his poem. It had been surprisingly easy for him to write it down on paper and the poem wasn't that bad at all, it had helped him deal with his feelings and he wondered to himself if Mary ever thought of him and if she had moved on like she had portrayed herself to have. He jumped when there was a knock on the door and when the door opened to reveal Mary in her wedding dress, just standing there, his mouth dropped open and he was at a loss for words. He had so many questions for her, why was she here? Where was Richard? But nothing left his mouth, he just stared at her, basking in her beauty.

'I can't be with Richard, we never consummated the marriage. It's always been you Matthew, always you… I love you.'

**Reviews please :D a short drabble but I was listening to Andreas Scholl's version of this English folksong and it just was something I had to encorperate with Matthew and Mary. So excited for the Christmas Special :D the pictures and the mini captions that come with them make me want the days to go quicker anyways enough of my babbling :D please review cause it will make me very happy :) x**


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